Yesterday I sat down to do a 10-minute drawing exercise yesterday, on illustrator Wendy MacNaughton’s suggestion: do a circle drawing.
The technique is inspired by Japanese artist Hiroyuki Doi, who does this incredibly beautiful compositions based entirely on repeating circles:
So I set my timer for ten minutes, and off I went.
There’s nothing special about the 10-minute drawing. Like many 10-minute drawings, it’s awkward, and unfocused.
The interesting part of the experience had nothing to do with the drawing. But maybe everything to do with it… not sure. I started feeling antsy, and anxious, and needing to check the timer, at about 9.30. It was not a relaxing, flow-based feeling. I was feeling bad.
So I decided to lean into it for a little bit.
I suspect that this impulsive, let’s-try-something-new, little drawing — based on a prompt — didn’t feel productive enough. I was taking time out of my day to do something completely frivolous, something that was supposed to be kind of relaxing, and instead I felt like I was stealing time.
But from what? From whom? I wasn’t working on anything, or volunteering. I’m working my way through a class, but I’m not on a hard deadline at the moment. I didn’t have somewhere else I needed to be — no one was waiting for me, or depending on me, for anything in that moment.
I think that this kind of anxiety comes from some very old stuff. While I’m uncomfortable with the notion of an inner child (I don’t have any specific issue with it, but it feels weird), I think that this is the kind of thing that requires some acknowledgement and remediation (is that the right word?).
So, for myself — or anyone else — who needs to hear it: please take some time today to do something the rest of the world (or your family of origin) might not approve of because it’s not “productive.” It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture… maybe a 10-minute circle drawing will do the trick.
Carmen Yount 